Finally, after many months of procrastination I’ve managed to settle to the computer and start a new post.
It has been a strange year marked with strong highs and lows. Last November we were enjoying the wildlife and hot weather of Panama, this November we’re luxuriating in a long and beautiful autumn here in England. In between times we’ve cruised the canals, attended a sumptuous wedding in the south of France, caught up with old college friends at a reunion marking 50 years since graduation and worked hard on our various voluntary activities in and around Church Stretton.
The lowest point of the year occurred when our 96 year old neighbour Steve passed away. He had become something of a surrogate father to me, listening to my chatter, giving advice, lending me books and feeding me tea and cake on Sundays! The house next door is empty and quiet and I miss him a lot.
Most of my friends are aware that I suffer from depression. The pills help to keep it at bay, but I do, frequently, find it difficult to get on with the normal tasks of life. Communicating with friends and family, keeping up my blogs, gardening, housework and sometimes even bathing become a chore which I can’t face. I’m sorry if I’ve ignored you, forgotten your birthday/anniversary/significant life event, or in any way insulted you.
The trouble is that when you come out of the depression sufficiently to tackle some jobs, you have so many that you can’t decide what to do and you sink right back down. Here’s a good example:
Every year your cards and letters arrive in time for Christmas. I lay them aside, promising myself that I’ll read them once the holidays are over and I have more time. I now have about 5 years worth. It’s probably too late now to read them. I’ve missed your news about births, deaths, marriages, successes in sport, educational achievements, sickness, holidays, and all the wonderful things that you do.
And then there’s the guilt. When you’re 70 years old, you shouldn’t still be blaming things on your mother, but she really did pile it on and I’ve never been able to shake it off. I oughta do this and I shoulda done that … the chant reverberates around my head whenever I’m awake.
So, I’m not sending out any cards this year – again! Instead I’m going to go off and do something creative. I hope you’ll forgive me and stay in touch in some way.